Gone
by yourjodeanfaceblog
Summary: As the title suggests, it is an angsty little slice of angst fluff, read on if you like. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Feeling a bit of doom as S5 continues, I had to write a worst case scenario to remove the delicious sting of whats to come. The writers of the show are creating a beautiful arc for the season, this is a tiny detour. I do not own TDBM, am just inspired by it.


Lucien came in after a long day spent between the morgue and the station. He was exhausted and wanted to see his Jeans beautiful face before anything else.

He yelled for her from the surgery as he put his case down, but got nothing. He went past the kitchen, which was eerily silent, out to the sun room assuming she would be there, but no. He stood and thought for a minute, she hadn't mentioned any plans and certainly she wouldn't be at the shops so near dinner time. He turned back to the house, heart in his stomach and ran, taking

the stairs two at a time, still hollering her name. It had been a particularly difficult month for them, trying to figure out how to end his marriage without hurting anyone. But please God, no.

He pushed open her bedroom door and saw it, there on the pillow, and thought he might drop dead where he stood. He stared at it there for a while, willing it to go away. A sob finally filled his chest and he fell to his knees in complete and utter collapse. She was gone.

Dearest Lucien,

By the time you find this I will be well on my way to Melbourne. I have a friend expecting me there, I will be safe. I knew if I saw your face again I would lose the courage to do what is best for us both. Before we ruin each other's lives, I had to put some space between us, indefinitely.

So many challenges have come up for us, why? Even my God forbids our love, but I have overlooked that because I love you so much. There must be a reason though, for all of these obstacles. It can't be right. And I won't selfishly ruin all that you and your father built here for an uncertain future.

And so, I am making the decision we can't make together, and that I know you would never make on your own... I am freeing us both from our torment by leaving. I don't know when or if I'll be in touch, but know this, I am leaving behind with you all the love I have ever had in my heart. I will never love another.

Forever yours,

Jean

He fell onto the bed and rolled to bury his face in her pillows, drinking in the scent of her. The sobs would not stop. His heart felt as if it was actually breaking in two, the pain was unbearable. He found himself praying for death to a God he hated, but needed, if he was going to get through this. How would he ever get through this. He couldn't imagine his life without her. His confidant, his support, his best friend, his champion, his heart and soul, his one true love... he drifted off finally, while counting their kisses. Her smiling face coming toward him, lazy eyes full of love, over and over and over.

"Doc? Um, Doc!" Charlie was at her bedroom door staring at the red eyed man on the bed before him. "What are you doing in here? Where's Mrs. Beazley?"

Lucien stared at the ceiling as he spoke and informed the young officer that she was gone. He filled him in very briefly then asked to be left alone. Charlie was dumbfounded. He had fifty more questions, but considering the state of Lucien, he slowly closed the door, turned around and felt his own eyes fill with tears.

She had been like a mother to him, with the perfect balance of strength and tenderness. No one knew that his first night in the Blake house, she had gone to him just before bed to check on him and say goodnight. He could still hear her sweet voice telling him that it wasn't always an easy house to live in, but that it was a warm home where he would always be looked after and supported. He had found it difficult, these last few months, to watch two of the very best people he knew fight for their greatest happiness. His heart broke for them.

The two men saw each other again in the kitchen the following morning. Charlie had made toast and tea that he was about to bring up to Lucien, when the doctor entered and sat at the table. Arms out long in front of him, hands on the table, with a seemingly blind stare and clearly not knowing what to do with himself.

Charlie put the toast and tea in front of him, then a hand on his shoulder, "Doc, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Tell Lawson and Alice I'll be gone for a while" He said with his eyes staring at the sink, a tear fell.

"Did she let on about this at all? That she might leave, I mean."

"No, she didn't let on, but I can't blame her. We're exhausted from all of this, and it has felt never ending. I just wanted to love her, forever. I don't know what I'll do now." He was still staring where she would be standing.

Charlie told him he would let the Chief Super Intendant and Dr. Harvey know, gave him another shoulder squeeze and asked if there was anything else.

"No, thank you. I probably won't be here when you get home. Will you be okay?" He said as another tear fell, but he wasn't even crying, they just kept coming. "I'll be in touch soon, but it will be a few days."

"Boss and I will be fine Doc, don't worry about us."

Lucien still hadn't looked at him, so he slipped out with another sympathetic word and offer to do anything at all that he needed.

He wasn't sure how long he had sat at that table when he snapped out of the haze. His eyes had been washing over the whole kitchen, inch by inch. Seeing her there, in every spot, the memories never ending. All the telling smiles they exchanged in here well before they knew they were in love. And then, once they allowed that love to claim them, all the intimate moments they shared in this room. Hands around her waist at the stove, hands around her waist at the sink, hands around her waist at the refrigerator, hands around her waist. Stolen kisses everywhere.

Later that day he got his suitcase and filled it with who knows what, grabbed his medical bag and went to the car. There he sat in another daze staring at her flowers for what seemed like hours. Birds chirping, wind chimes ringing, another tear and then, "Who is in Melbourne? If she had a good friend in Melbourne, I would know. Wait!"

He adjusted his bottom, lifted his head, grabbed onto the steering wheel, started the car and headed out to find her.

He thought for a brief moment he might go by train or bus, but then thought better if it. If he drove there would be no stops and breaks, just speed, lots of speed. And he needed to think. What if she wasn't there? What if she was? She had to be. And he had to make her understand that no amount of time or distance could ever separate them. She could travel to the ends of the earth, but she would still not escape his love. It was bigger than them, destiny. A gift from her God, it had to be. And he would help her find that truth. The obstacles may be a test, but they couldn't be a curse. Her God wouldn't do that to her, to them. They wouldn't have found each other, and this beautiful love that touched everyone around them if it was not to be forever. This God she had revered so much her whole life, the Father, must have sent them to each other. A gift to two wounded souls, with two halves of the same big heart. His mind, which had been so filled with despair, grew stronger with each passing mile. The story, their story, was becoming so clear. Certainly, she would see it too. If he could just find her.

Finally arriving at his destination, his heart was back in his stomach. Would she be there? If so, would she be mad that he came after her so soon? Would she listen to him? Would she still love him? Could she still trust him with her heart?

The door swung open. "Lucien. How...? How did you know? I've been trying you at the house, but no answer. She's in the hospital."

"What? Why? Take me to her. Now please." He hardly recognized his own voice as it broke. But he had found her, he knew her too well. His other half.

On the drive to hospital Christopher Jr. filled the doc in on her collapse. It seems she had just enough strength to make it to Adelaide, then fell into the same pain that had claimed Lucien over the last couple of days.

Her doctor met them just as they arrived. "Hello Dr. Reynolds. How is she?" Christopher asked.

The doctor informed them that she was fine, just exhausted and dehydrated. "She had what's known as a panic attack, from what we can tell. They can feel like a heart attack, and are usually brought on by some extreme stress." He told them that she had been given a sedative, but that it would be wearing off and they should be able to see her soon.

"Well, I am a doctor and her fiancé and would really like to see her now please." It was a soft demand, not a request.

"Lucien?" The doctor asked, his eyes soft but concerned. "She was calling for you when they were calming her."

Lucien informed him that he was indeed the man in question, and that he was sure seeing him would be a good thing. Christopher, standing just next to him, chimed in his agreement to the Doctor. "I believe he is all she needs now." And he gave Lucien a knowing smile. With that Dr. Reynolds went to lead them to her room.

Christopher stayed rooted where he was, "If it's okay with you Lucien, I'll leave you two for now." He smiled softly. "Call me if she wants me, otherwise I'll just see you at the house later." He agreed, and gave the young man a warm hug of thanks and relief.

Lucien's hand shook as he placed it on the door. With a deep breath he pushed it open and saw her, eyes closed, looking like the frail angel she was but would never admit to being. That left brow he loved so much lifted and led to the opening of her eyes. She calmly took him in. Was she dreaming?

Approaching with caution, he grabbed a chair on his way to her. He took her hand but she moved away from him slightly, all the while staring into him. As soon as she hitched her hip to lay on her side, he understood, and moved to lay next to her. Facing each other in silence, she put her hand on his face, and he broke. They broke together, crying and holding each other quietly. Afraid to look away, kissing lightly with open eyes. No words, the words would come later. They had a lifetime for words.


End file.
